It is all too much and i just dont think i can hold on much longer, my health is deteriating (awful spelling i know) and i just cant get up and get going, i am now struggling to get through a whole day of work, i am begining to wonder if i have chronic fatigue or something, will have to do a bit more research into this and see what the doctor thinks. I am still at work on average until late at night and starting an hour before everyone else just to get it all done. My desk looks like a bomb has hit it and the work keeps piling up. I try and schedule some down time each day where i can get paperwork done but that is just not happening, hence my late hours to get it done. I have several matters in court at the moment and several reports that i am expected to write, all of which take days to do, and there are legal time lines that we have to adhere to as well. I am debating at the moment just how much i love my job.... Am thinking perhaps i need a new job - at the supermarket or something where no one will bother me and i can be a zombie like most other people there and just do my job and go home, maybe i can even stack shelves for a living that will be at night when it is shut even better!!! Then i wont have to talk to anyone either.
The wedding is 23 sleeps away, believe it or not i just had to look that up on the calender to find out when it was, someone asked me the other day when i was getting married and i was not able to tell them as i couldnt remember. I just dont know what is going on with me - maybe deep down i just dont want to get married. I am sure i have turned into bridzilla or something and i am just horrible to everyone and have no compassion at the moment at all. I am not even excited or looking forward to it. I am just concentrating on how much bloody money i have spent on the silly thing, all for one day!!! there would have been enough for a deposit on one maybe two houses i think, but now, 23 days away from my wedding, i have come to the sudden realisation that i will be able to afford my wedding with everything that my future husband has wanted and i will have $5 left in my account, that is all $5 lousy bucks. And on that $5 i am going to have to spend 10 days in tasmania, we have requested people put money into our honeymoon as we dont require anything for the house - i have every house hold item several times over i think.... Tim spoke to the travel agent today and picked up our tickets and schedule and provided our details so that the money can be deposited into our account on the Monday after the wedding, to which the travel agent said "now dont stress there is nothing there yet, but people usually leave this until the last few weeks".... "LAST FEW WEEKS" bugger me i thought that is what i was in now, given that i have only 23 more sleeps until the silly day is over i would have thought that clasified.
On top of that i thought i would apply for a cridit card just to create a bit of a buffer for me and make me feel a bit more comfortable about the whole $5 issue, and that got declined, something to do with the car loan that i dont pay, Tim does, but because my name is on there they said no.
I just cant do it anymore and i really dont want to either.
Bec
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