I just dont know

Just quickly before i start everything else - this here is a pic of me on my hen's nite playing "pin the dick on Tim" that was my very poor effort, if it makes any of you feel any better Tim's mother won out of about 22 people....

What more can i say, I just dont know.... I dont know how i am feeling at the moment, i have so much running through my head i feel like i am running a constant marrithon and i cant stop even though my brain and body is screaming at me to stop. Firstly (this will be a long post i think) i think i will start with boobs, you either have them or you dont, you either want them or want to get rid of them.... I am in the box of wanting to get rid of them, I try and try and try again to do anything to get them smaller but for some reason it does not work, i thought it was working well, and after this many weeks of exercising and straining my little body out and measureing myself and thinking i was loosing around the chest, i then go to get my wedding dress made only to be told that i have not lost any around the chest from my last measurement (for the dress) in October last year, and i think the comment was that "you will never loose off that" I understand that i have big boobs and that is a family curse, but i have been talking for some time about a breast reduction and i am still condidering it some more!!!!

I love Tim's family, i think they are fantastic, but i feel like the expect so much from me and i guess by extention us as a couple. Especially when it comes to "the wedding" oh my goodness i have never felt so lost for words in my life.... Tim and i made the decision to not have children at the wedding (assise from my nephew's and Tim's niece, as they are our page boys and flower girl), as we worked out if we starting inviting one child we have to invite them all, and all means that we will have approx 35 - 45 other people there and the most of them will be under the age of 5 and all of them under the age of 8. The venue that we have are not serving children's meals so therefore we would have to pay for all these children to eat an adults meal that they wont like and more than likely wont eat anyway. All of Tim's cousins have children, they are great people and great kids, but as mentioned there will be too many. But they have all gotten upset and complained that we are having our niece and nephew's there and not their children, as they have to find baby sitters and this and that... Honestly most parents, well all of the poeople on my side of the family are all looking forward to the opportunity to have a night off without the kids!!!... So they (tim's family) are all out of sorts, they have calmed down now but still i think it is an issue. Then there is the option of having a tab on the bar or not having a tab on the bar. I should mention at this point that Tim and I are paying for this whole wedding ourselves without asking anything from either of our families.... So we have decided that we will not be putting a tab on the bar that people can pay for their own drinks, this i guess has come down to cost - weddings are expensive, even when you do most things yourself. I cant really justify spending $2000 on a tab on a bar when people are obviously going to poor it down their throat, i would rather spend that on my honeymoon!!!! Instead we have opted to give our guests a bottle of wine that is approx 185ml which would equate to about 2 standard drinks, we are getting our own labels made with the date of our wedding and our names and to say thank you and everything. I thought this would be a good idea and a nice guesture. It seems that people are also expecting a tab and are disappointed that there is not one... I cant win!!!!

Just a quick update on the rest of my 7th week, I didnt really do much, a bit bad of me really, but honestly i felt so exhaused from the ear infection. But anyway i have organised myself and am feeling much better this week, and the ear is almost fixed i think.... Took a couple of trips to the doc to get it right though. I didnt get back to the gym again for the weekend (boo hiss - am telling myself off) on the other hand i slept, i seem to be sleeping so much at the moment it is really not healthy i dont think at all. I have a few questions for you which is why i am writting, oh i forgot to mention i had great eats for the weekend though and ate really clean and healthy, grilled chicken and salad a new fav, with a little bit of balsalmic on there for taste.
Anyway my couple of questions entail what can i do to stop being so tired, it is out of control i am constantly tired, i am eating well and trying to exercise but sometimes i am just so exhausted my body will not allow me to do anything, it is starting to really get me down and i am feeling a bit miserable about it.....
And the other thing is everyone here at work eats like horses it is really quite bad, they constantly say they are on diets and cant understand my eating program, and as a result constantly have potato chips and lollies lying around the desk, i have told them that i wont eat them (well i try) and remind them i have a wedding dress to wear but i guess what i am looking for is perhaps a healthy substitude that i couple perhaps have sitting on my desk that if i have to nibble i can and it will be something worth while.....
Will have to cut out my alcohol intake as well, that has crept up a bit too much i think for my liking - i am having a bit of a woe is me really aint i.... On a good note, i got measured again for my wedding dress on the weekend, my chest has not changed (cant understand that, maybe i gained weight and then lost it and have gained it back again - a bit silly i know) but they were most impressed with my waist, and so am i, i suppose, but they announced that i had lost 3 inches off my waist since they measured me last, which was a while ago but i will accept that anyway, a loss is a loss. But it has also disappointed me a bit that i dont know what is going on with my body, i have hit a platau, although i should blame myself for poor eating and drinking and not exercising as much as i should.... OH well not much i can do, and i still have 5 weeks and 4 days until the wedding, so still some time i guess......
Talk soon
Bec